


I Found A Love

by 01shane01



Category: Pitch Perfect (Movies)
Genre: Cancer, Cancer Death, F/F, not happy at all
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-06
Updated: 2017-06-06
Packaged: 2018-11-09 23:53:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,451
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11115528
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/01shane01/pseuds/01shane01
Summary: Beca remembers her life with Chloe. From their first kiss to their last.





	I Found A Love

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! So a few months ago I listened to 'Perfect' by Ed Sheeran, and this fic came into my head. Couldn't get it out and so next thing I know, I wrote it all down and this is what happened. 
> 
> Im telling you now, so that you still have time to turn back: THIS DOES NOT HAVE A HAPPY ENDING. IF YOU GET TRIGGERED BY CHARACTER DEATH OR THINGS TO DO WITH CANCER, DO NOT CONTINUE.

You hated her when you first met her. She was everything that ticked you off and made you mad. It wasn't her fault, but her peppiness grated on you. And then she barged into your shower, telling you that she wouldn't leave until you sang. Just stood there, totally naked. You couldn't help but check her out because, hello, you have eyes. 

Looking back now, you know that you were a goner from there on. 

Sure, it took your dad telling you that you had to get involved with something to get you to actually turn up to that audition, but you would never say that you regret it. In fact, you have since thanked your father for giving you the kick in the butt that you needed at that point in your life. 

As time went by, you learned just what a pure soul Chloe Beale was. She was literally a ray of sunshine. An angel, sent to make the world a brighter place. Her light was infectious, and eventually she wore down every single wall that you had spent so long trying to create. 

You'll always remember your first kiss. It came just shortly after the first time you admitted out loud, to both Chloe and yourself, exactly how you felt about her. 

It was right before graduation. Everyone was surprisingly calm in the week leading up to it and even Chloe was excited to move on, rather than terrified of finally facing the big, wide world. You were sat on her bed, she was across from you. You both had your legs crossed, knees touching, as you talked about where you were going next. In a moment of complete loss of control of your mouth, you had said; ‘I don't want to be anywhere you're not.’

She took your hand, probably to stop you running, and pulled you towards her. You followed because you would always follow where Chloe would lead you. 

When your lips met, you couldn't help but smile against her. It was all teeth and not really much of a kiss because she was smiling back, but it was perfect. It was everything that you had been dreaming about since that day in the shower. 

‘Stop smiling so much, Becs, I'm trying to kiss you.’ She had said as she poked your stomach. Eventually, somehow, you ended up on your back, looking up at the woman. You stared at each other until you physically couldn't smile anymore. Your cheeks hurt too much. 

‘Does this mean what I think it means?’ You asked, heart pounding in your chest and nothing but gloriously, deliriously happy thoughts running through your head. 

‘It means it's gonna suck to be away from you until I can move out to L.A.’ She said seriously and you couldn't think of anything to say. You just grabbed her neck and pulled her down into your first real kiss. The one where you found out how soft her lips were. The one where you first felt her tongue swipe across your lower lip and how good it felt to brush your tongue against hers. 

You knew then that you never wanted to kiss anyone else ever again. 

You first told her that you loved her after Worlds. 

You hadn't officially been together for very long, but it felt too right to miss the moment, stood on that stage in Copenhagen. She hugged you, jumped up and down with her hands on your shoulders. She kissed you. You licked her cheek. Then you yelled it into her ear over the sound of the crowd and the other Bellas. You meant it, and she knew it. You also know she meant it when she said it back to you that night when you were tangled up together in bed, breathless and about as close as two people can be. 

You asked her right then to move straight out to L.A with you. To you, there was no other option. She agreed, but said that she should use the plane ticket home that she had already bought to go and visit her family. 

You were terrified of your feelings for her for so long. You didn't want to be so dependant on another person that they affected your day. It was different with Chloe. Chloe made it so easy to be with her. To be open with her and not immediately build walls where there needn't be any. She was always there to pick you up when you had a bad day, and in turn, you were there for her as well. 

After two years, she asked you to marry her. 

Your relationship had its ups and downs. It wasn't perfect, but then again, nothing ever is. There was a month where you barely spoke to each other for some dumb reason you prefer not to remember now. Eventually, you both pulled your heads out of your butts and moved forwards. You think that it made you stronger as a couple, and Chloe agrees whenever it comes up. 

Your wedding day was perfect. 

It wasn't too big, just family and close friends. All of the Bellas were there, of course. It wouldn't have been right without them. They had become your family and they had been there for every big moment. They were there the first time you were nominated for a Grammy, they were there the first time Chloe got the ‘Teacher of the Year’ award from her school. They were constant and you love them for it. You know that they will always be there for you when you need them. 

Chloe looked beautiful in her strapless white dress, holding a small bouquet of light blue flowers. It took everything in you not to cry as she walked down the aisle towards you. She could have worn a trash bag and you would have been just as happy. Her hand never left yours for the entire day, except for the father-daughter dance. You remember dancing with her all night long, completely unable to be too far away from her. It was like you needed her to breathe and you know that she felt the same as every time you did try to pull away, she held you tighter. 

The Bellas serenaded your first dance, which you and Chloe ended up joining in with towards the end when they invaded the dance floor and started throwing out old school Bella dance moves. As you looked over at Chloe, you didn't think that life would get any better than that moment right then. 

It was a year later when you finally conceived your first child. Chloe looked so beautiful pregnant. There was something magical about the fact that she was growing your baby inside her. Well, as much your baby as it could have been. 

When she gave birth, you were terrified. You had heard so many horror stories about childbirth, but you were more than ready to meet your baby. Chloe did such a great job and you held her hand and patted away the sweat on her brow as much as you could, as much as she would let you. She said you were hovering, you said you were just trying to help. She pulled you down to kiss her and apologised for being grumpy and you told her that she had every right to be grumpy right now. Chloe and the nurses laughed at your comment. Labour lasted all night. After thirteen hours, Chloe gave birth to a healthy baby girl and you fell in love with your child even quicker than you fell in love with her mother. 

You agreed to call her Stephanie. 

It took another year to get pregnant again, except this time it was you who was carrying the child. You didn't find it half as beautiful or sexy this time around and you definitely hated breaking down into tears every few minutes, hours if you were lucky. Chloe was amazing though. She had endless patience with you and after a pretty short labour and many threats at her for doing this to you (she reminded you each time that she didn't actually get you pregnant), you welcomed a little boy into your family. 

You named him after Chloe's dad. He had passed away just after you found out that you were pregnant, so it was a no brainer. Thomas. 

Six months later, you both agreed that you wanted to have one more child. 

Your career had reached a point where you could easily take a year off and not have to think about the money, so you would stay at home and look after the kids until Chloe had the child, and she would stay home. You would both spend a few months home together, and then you would go back to work, and Chloe would decide whether or not she would. 

Eighteen months later, another boy was brought into the world. David. 

You couldn't not name him after the man who brought you and Chloe together. 

You spent five years watching your children grow up with the woman who you were still hopelessly in love with. 

You still saw the Bellas fairly regularly. They had all come out for each child’s birth. They were all settling down, some with each other, and some with new people. They were all having families of their own and everyone supported everyone. You often think about how lucky you were to find those girls. 

One day while you were at work, you got a call that stopped your heart in its tracks. 

Aubrey had called you to tell you that Chloe had been taken to the hospital. She didn't know what was wrong, but Chloe wasn't well at all and you needed to get there asap. 

You broke a lot of traffic laws that day. 

The doctors ran tests. Lots and lots of tests. So many tests. 

You held Chloe's hand through all of it, and the Bellas were there. As many of them as could make it. Aubrey rounded everyone up while you just couldn't. You took care of your kids and Chloe. It was a tough few weeks until you got the results of the tests back. 

You demanded that they check again. It couldn't be right. 

It wasn't fair.

The doctor threatened to call someone and you realised that you had stood up. Chloe touched your arm and you looked at her for the first time in this meeting. 

You'll never forget that look on her face. It haunts you when you close your eyes sometimes. 

She looked so small and so scared that you wanted to curl her into your arms and protect her. You had to protect her from this. 

But you couldn't. 

It was too late for that. 

Chloe had cancer. Inoperable.

She fought it. Damn, did she fight it hard. But there came a point where she couldn't fight anymore. 

After her last round of chemo and radiotherapy, she was exhausted. The cancer wasn't going away, and she was only getting weaker. 

That conversation broke your heart. The one where she told you that she didn't want to fight it anymore. That she couldn't. She didn't want to leave you, or your family, but she couldn't fight this. It was the first time that you saw Chloe back down from anything, but you knew it was also time to admit defeat. The doctor agreed. 

You often sat in your car before going into the house. It was where you could let go and cry. You couldn't let Chloe see you cry about this when she was the one that was dying. She was trying to stay strong for the kids. You had to stay strong for her, and for the kids. You're pretty sure she knew about your almost daily ritual, but she never said anything. 

After you’d pulled yourself together, you let yourself into the house that you both bought six months before you got married. Bree had put the kids to bed and showed herself out after telling you that Chloe was in the garden. 

You were going to take some time off from work in the next couple of weeks but setting the date was so incredibly difficult. How are you supposed to decide the date that you will start watching your wife, mother of your children, love of your entire being, die? You just know that once Chloe does leave, you will hate yourself forever for not spending as much time with her as possible. 

You stepped out onto the patio to see Chloe sat in a white sundress with a book propped up against her stomach. If it weren't for her slightly sunken eyes and the bones trying to break through her skin, it could have been a normal evening. 

You crouched down, shook her arm gently. Your heart stilled in your throat as you waited to see those wonderful blue eyes open up and look back at you. 

When they did, you released the breath that you had been holding in, and Chloe beamed at you. 

“You're home.” She was happy, but the tiredness grated her voice.

“I am, babe.” You kissed her nose, her eyes fluttered shut as her smile grew. The radio was quietly playing to itself beside her, but as you noticed the opening chords of a song that you had worked long and hard on, you stood and offered out your hand. “Dance with me.” You wouldn't have asked, but it was the song that you both had adored for such a long time. It was the song that you both danced to when you renewed your vows three years ago.

“I'm so tired, Becs.” She started to shake her head, no, but you pulled her up into your arms. You placed your feet under hers, and she got the message. 

“Then I'll hold you. I'll always hold you. Indulge me?”

“Always.” 

You swayed in the garden with Chloe clinging to your neck. She hummed along in places and you sang to her. 

It was five weeks later that Chloe told you that she thought it was time to go to the hospital. You asked her if she needed to go right away or if she wanted to wait until morning. Talking was harder for her now. She was fading away, and you knew too that it was coming. You had no idea how you were going to tell the kids. They were still so hopeful that ‘any day now the doctors will find a new medicine to cure mommy’.

After a few moments, Chloe smiled at you and just said ‘morning’. You told her you were going to get a few things sorted out but you wouldn't be long. You promised her, and you had never broken a promise to her. 

You went downstairs and pulled the bag out of the closet that you had had prepared for a while now. It was an overnight bag for all three kids. You pulled your phone out and called the person who had been stronger than anyone throughout this. The one who had offered to be there whenever and who had offered to do this impossible thing for you. 

“It's time, Aubrey. Please hurry, I don't want her to be alone.” You choked out somehow and you knew that she was in her car before you even hung up. 

You took the kids into your bedroom, telling them that they were going to stay with Aunt Bree for a couple of nights and they were as careful as ever when they were interacting with their mother these days. So gentle with her, as if they were afraid to break her.

When Bree got there, she let herself in and said a watery ‘See you later’ to Chloe. They hugged and you really tried your best not to cry. You knew that this was hard on Bree as well. She and Chloe had been friends for so damn long. But she had insisted that she would take the kids.

“But you're her best friend. You should be there too.”

“You're her wife, Beca. You're not going to be capable of looking after your kids as well as watching her-,” She paused, swallowing down her own emotion. “Stacie will be with me when the time comes anyway. I live five minutes from you. Let me give this to you.” 

It was another three hours. 

That's all you got with her. 

Three more measly fucking hours. 

You were supposed to have a lifetime with her. To love her. To care for her. To be happy with her and this crazy family the both of you had created. 

You told her that you loved her more times than you think you ever have before. You tried not to cry but you knew that your eyes were betraying you. You laid beside her, counting her breaths, willing the next to come. 

Her hand clutched yours half an hour before she died. “I'm scared.”

“Don't be.” You felt physically sick because how are you supposed to sit here and convince your wife that it'll totes be fine if she dies. It's not fine. It's less than fine. “We’ll be okay. We all love you so much.”

“We did good, didn't we?” Her voice was weaker, and sentences harder and you tried to keep the shiver out of your own voice. 

“We did fucking amazing, Beale.” You never stopped calling her by her maiden name, even though she now bared yours. 

“Don't shut yourself off to loving someone else. I don't want you to be alone forever.” 

“I don't want anyone if they're not you.” You told her honestly and you could feel each second being snatched away from you. “I love you too much. If that were enough, you'd live forever.” 

“I love you, too. But it's okay. To love after me.” You knew what she was trying to say but you didn't want to hear it. 

“You're it for me, Beale.” You repeated the words you had said to her to close off your wedding vows. 

Her breath was strangled now. You knew that you wouldn't hear that amazing sound ever again. You spent a couple of seconds committing it to memory, not that you would ever forget. 

“It's okay, Chlo. I know it hurts. I'll see you again someday.” Another raspy breath. Getting slower. “You are so loved. Not a day will go by that you're not loved. Not a day has ever gone by that I haven't loved you.” You pressed a kiss to her clammy forehead and you knew that it was time. She was gone. “I can't wait to see you again, baby.”

\---------------------------------

“Beca,” There's a warm press of hands on your shoulders. You feel the rain soaking into your clothes, into your skin. “Beca, they need to finish up.” She tells you and there's no use in trying to prevent the sob that tears from your chest. 

“Just, please. Please give me a second.” You grip onto the casket like it is a lifeline. It is really. This is the last time that you will be so close to Chloe. She will be put into the ground, and you won't get another chance. 

“Okay. I won't be far away.” Aubrey reassures you, and you know that you need to go and be with your kids right now, but you want to be selfish for just a moment. You know that it's just you and the Bellas left in the graveyard now. 

“I'm so scared, Chlo. I don't think I can do this without you. What if I fuck up our kids? Then all that hard work you put in would have been for nothing. What if this pain never goes away? You were always the one that said the right thing. You're the one I would talk to about this stuff.” You stand straight after you give yourself a minute to feel like your words had sunk through, to see if you would get an answer. “I'll be back, okay? I'm not leaving you alone. You won't get cold, I had them put a blanket in there with you.” 

“Momma?” You hear David calling and you try to compose yourself a little before turning around. As soon as you do, you break down and so do they. They run towards you and you hug all three of them as they all hug you. 

You don't know how you'll get through this, but you think somehow you might, because you have to. 

You have the Bellas. You have your kids. 

You visit Chloe every week.

**Author's Note:**

> So let me know what you thought?


End file.
